I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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