If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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