I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
