Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
