Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize