I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So much Jack, so little girl.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
