Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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