It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
