I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
