Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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