I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
