I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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