exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
