but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
