the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
