I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
