just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize