the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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