The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You are the jesus of drinking
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
