I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
