The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
