you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
