So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
