you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize