Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
