The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
