I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
