you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
