I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
