Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
