when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
