got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize