Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
