you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
