we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
