I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
