You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
