so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
