have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
