im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
