I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
