His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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