I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
