I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
