I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize