I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
