just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
