my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
