Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
