I've blown a few things in my day
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
