Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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