Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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