You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
