first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
time to smoke my breakfast
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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