Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
