You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
