peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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