He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
