He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize