I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
