Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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