I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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