Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize