My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just found puke in my bra..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
