Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
