I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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