Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
