Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
