I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Found the puke drawer
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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