Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
