Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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