I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
