Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
These tits shall not be calmed
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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